Call me a prude. I don’t care. I may be very open-minded when it comes to gender equality and gender justice, but in South Africa, we still have a long way to go before we can go this route.
In some companies and establishments, gender-neutral bathrooms are already the norm. Men and women occupy the same spaces to do their business. They wash their hands and fix their make-up in common areas.
But implementing this in schools is a bad idea.
Why?
Because of the predatory nature of South Africa’s men.
And it isn’t late-onset predation either. Predatory behaviour seems to be something that’s ingrained in our DNA, the trash that we are.
I saw a video on Twitter over the weekend of a young boy attacking a woman in what looked like ankle-to-knee-deep water as they floundered in the surf. He was very clearly trying to remove her undergarment or bikini bottom and succeeded while surrounded by a crowd of onlookers who did nothing to help her. No one appeared to be chastising this young man about his disgusting behaviour. And she finally broke free, crawling away with her bottoms exposed.
Ladies and gentlemen, I present you the men of South Africa.
Us of the murder-suicide. Us of the murderous, step-child abusing ilk. Us of the lock-you-in-your-home-and-set-it-on-fire. Us of the throw-acid-in-your-face-so-if-I-can’t-have-you-no-one-else-will. What the hell is wrong with us?
We’ve all seen the posts on social media where bars put up special “code-word drinks” in the ladies’ bathrooms so if women feel unsafe, they can order a special drink and get help from the bar staff. Why, as a society, do we even need this? Answer: Because men are predators.
What you potentially gain in gender equality points by allowing boys and girls to share bathrooms at schools, you lose in safe spaces for girls to escape being preyed upon.
‘But predators will find a way anyway,’ I hear you say. Sure, but why make it easier for them?
Now, I’m definitely not a proponent of categorising and boxing things for our children. It irks me to no end when I look at toy catalogues or clothing catalogues that classify which goods are ‘for girls’ or ‘for boys’. Children should be free to play with, and express themselves and dress with whatever they feel comfortable in. I’ve already lamented the fact that some ‘shoes for boys’ are built sturdier than those supposedly for girls.
But the sad reality is that girls need a safe space. What happens when she feels attacked on the playground and needs somewhere to compose herself? What happens when she gets her period? You’re expecting her to share a space where boys - let’s face it - have their four-fives out measuring against each other?
No. As open-minded as I am, I don’t believe we as a society are mature enough to make unisex toilets in schools a reality. We still have a long way to go to educate our sons about anti-predatory behaviour. We still have a long way to go before we can trust our boys to be decent human beings.
Even in response to this article, the Pick-Me’s will join the Not All Men brigade and call for my head.
Stop to think about how much energy you put into actually helping change the status quo instead of pontificating about how good a man you are because you take care of your daughter/step daughter, mother, sister, grandmother, nieces, etc. So what? You still forward sexist and demeaning jokes about women in your boys’ WhatsApp group. You still allow that friend of yours to continue his predatory behaviour with the women he interacts with. You still refer to women as “chicks” or “bitches”, even if it is only quietly, to yourself.
So call me a prude. I don’t care. Men are too trash for us to safely assume girls will be safe in unisex toilets with boys.
There is a war on women in this country. Put your energy into fighting that instead of fighting me on this.
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