By Henry Bantjez (M.Psych.)
The holiday season is upon us, and for some of you, this may be a stressful time. It may be a trigger for someone you have lost through death or a relationship, you may be lonely, or you may be overwhelmed by the sudden appearance of family and friends, or lack thereof.
Ignoring your mental health during the festive season and failing to seek support or develop healthy coping mechanisms can have many negative implications, some of which include heightened stress and anxiety and exacerbation of existing conditions. Those with pre-existing health conditions, like depression, can find their symptoms growing worse over the holiday period.
Loneliness, poor physical health, strained relationships, lack of pleasure, and substance abuse are other dragons that may start internal fires. Here are some tips to cope.
Setting boundaries during the festive season means communicating your needs to friends and family. Being honest will allow you to enjoy the holidays without feeling overwhelmed by social obligations, prioritizing your mental and emotional well-being by saying no when necessary and taking time for self-care activities. This is what I call:
Positive selfishness: Happiness is a spiritual practice, and it requires work. It is like a muscle. It grows when you nurture it. This kind of positive self-love starts, first and foremost, by taking care of yourself and unapologetically and authentically being yourself by not looking past your own important needs to fulfil in others.
Because as the saying goes, you can’t take care of anybody if you can’t take care of yourself. When you practice loving kindness toward yourself, you create magic: you stop being so critical of yourself and, in turn, you become less judgemental of others. This alters the way you think.
You will naturally understand that love is the absence of judgment. You will give those who mean something to you reasons to stick around. You will spoil yourself because you will learn to understand that you deserve it. So if the family is around and you have booked a massage, go for it, they will survive.
Seek balance this festive season and know that only you can depend on yourself for change. Be your own hero. When your mind is unbalanced, so is your body. When your mind is inflamed with anger, hostility, depression, anxiety, judgement, resentment, guilt and shame, your body becomes inflamed. When your mind is at peace, your body, so to say, relaxes and heals because the mind is quiet.
Your cell repair mechanisms work over time. This means that knowing this (awareness) and something as simple as a healthy attitude toward life can keep you healthy this year. If you have gone through any kind of loss and grief, know that pain can push you. But it can also force you into a vision that is bigger than pain. Once you have that vision, you will walk in the direction of your purpose, instead of being stuck.
Losses are there to wake you up. I have learnt to appreciate living in the moment. And I ask that you do the same. Do this one thing. Make it a resolution. Keep a gratitude journal. Every day, list five things you are grateful for.
That is how you cultivate your mindfulness. You are re-framing your thoughts. You are teaching your brain to re-experience joy. This will also help you to cultivate your awareness around dealing with your festive season triggers and identifying them.
During the festive season, common triggers that you might experience include awareness of a recent separation, difficult family dynamics, pressure to host the "perfect" party, financial stress from gift-buying, travel fatigue, unwanted social obligations, reminiscing about past holidays, dealing with difficult (or drunken) relatives and so forth.
Essentially, anything that could lead to overwhelming feelings of stress, anxiety, or sadness due to the heightened expectations and social pressure associated with the holidays. Awareness of these triggers will help you cope with them better when they happen. Remember that there is no reality, only perception. This means that you can choose how to react in any difficult situation, and only you can be in charge of the outcome of your mood and feelings and how you choose to be happy or sad.
Defining the meaning of life is a topic that pokes its head out often during the holidays. Philosophers have dedicated their lives to answering the question with different viewpoints, but, in my opinion, His Holiness, the Dalai Lama, gives us a very simple answer, and this is a major life changer.
The meaning of life is to be happy and useful. This means happiness is not just about you. Happiness is also achieved through helping others by being useful. The question is not to know what the meaning of life is but what meaning you can give to your life.
People who lead a life with meaning, instinctively know that they need to cherish others, pay attention to human values and that they have to cultivate inner peace. This opens the door to happiness. Imagine the happiness you can create with a simple act of kindness this holiday.
Stopping at a children’s home to drop off Christmas gifts or food, dishing up food at an old age home and donating clothes on Christmas day instead of spending thousands at the restaurant. These are some things that will get you closer to understanding the meaning of life.
Laughter, the best medicine: When you don’t take yourself too seriously and laugh regularly, in general, you will be healthier and happier and foster positive attitudes.
When you find ways to laugh at your situation and choose not to stress about it too much, you will be happier. When you hang out with friends and family who make you laugh and step away from those who drain your energy, you will be amazed at your positive moods.
When you are selective about who you spend your time with and laugh with, your experiences will be enhanced. Laughter triggers the release of endorphins, the body’s natural feel-good chemicals. Endorphins promote an overall sense of well-being and can even temporarily relieve pain.
Humour lightens your burdens, inspires hope, connects you to others, and keeps you grounded, focused, and alert. It also helps you release anger and forgive easily.
Laughter is strong medicine. It draws people together in ways that trigger healthy physical and emotional changes in the body. Laughter strengthens your immune system, boosts mood, diminishes pain, and protects you from the damaging effects of stress. And remember, the next time you think before you act, choose to laugh about it. Don’t deny laughter; when it comes, it plops down in your favourite chair and stays – and so will happiness this holiday. When you find it, hold onto it and don’t let go.
Henry Bantjez is a behavioural psychology expert and publishes regularly on wellness topics.
The Star